When Steve Lawson watched his dream of becoming sheriff crash and burn earlier this month, he never imagined there would be something even better waiting for him just around the corner.

Our sources tell us that District Attorney Steven Bebb has tapped the failed sheriff’s candidate to be the new Director of his 10th Judicial District Drug Task Force. Now, instead of wreaking vengeance across just one county, Lawson can wreak vengeance across four. He will be replacing Director Mike Hall, who is moving to Florida. In a hurry. A big hurry. Something about the FBI.

The 10th Judicial District Drug Task Force — which includes Bradley, McMinn, Monoe and Polk counties — has a rich history of malfeasance, duplicity and breech of trust. It’s sort of a tradition. But that’s what happens when a government agency with no oversight and access to millions of dollars and all kinds of drugs, operates at the discretion (and under the protection) of a single district attorney.

In 2002, Task Force Director Ken Wilson was charged with possession of cocaine and sitting on large amounts of missing drug evidence. After that, Task Force Director Roxanne Blackwell got in trouble over “mismanaging evidence.” Then, there is the legendary Task Force Director Chip Bryant. Chip, they say, had to “step down” after being nabbed with a crack ‘ho during a drug sting.

Now, Task Force Director Mike Hall is said to be leaving town to take a preaching job in the Florida Keys. But sources tell us the FBI is “investigating” Director Hall (the nature of said investigation we choose not to reveal at this time), and DA Bebb wants Hall to take that investigation and move as far south of here as he can get.

But when it comes to the potential for abusing power, the new Task Force Director Steve Lawson hits the ground running, having already proven himself to be hot-headed, spiteful and not above ganging up on private citizens he doesn’t like. Better wear a cup, 10th District, cause this could get painful.

World famous author and Cleveland resident, Bill Breuer, passed away Wednesday morning, August 18, 2010, at Memorial hospital in Chattanooga.

One of his books, The Great Raid, was made into successful Hollywood feature film.

Eighteen thousand, five hundred and sixty-three Bradley County voters voiced their preferences in the August 2010 State Primary and County General Elections — 10,861 early votes and another 7,702 turning out on election day. All those voices … that’s what James Buchanan called “the noise of democracy.”

In the Governor’s Primary election, Bradley voters picked Zach Wamp over Bill Haslam by a margin of 57 to 38 percent. However, the rest of the state didn’t follow suit and Bill Haslam took the win with 342,499 votes statewide. He will face off against Democrat Mike McWherter in November to see who Tennessee’s next governor will be. Which we will go ahead and tell you now will be Haslam.

Likewise, in the 3rd District Congressional race, Tim Gobble won the majority of votes in Bradley County, but failed to carry the rest of the district. In fact, with only 18 percent of the vote, the H’allo Policeman ended up a distant third behind Robin Smith (28 percent) and winner Chuck Fleischmann (30 percent). Huckabee’s boy Chuck will face off against Democrat John Wolfe in November. At least John won’t be trying to smell Chuck’s hair.

State Representatives Eric Watson and Kevin D. Brooks both pulled in over 99 percent of the Bradley County vote in their races. And County Trustee Mike Smith topped out at 99.74 percent. Of course, none of them had an opponent, but still.

No surprise to anyone that incumbent mayors D. Gary Davis (Bradley County) and Tom Rowland (Cleveland City) breezed by their opponents to hold onto their titles; Davis with 80 percent of the vote, Rowland with 78 percent.

Long-time local GOP blister, John Stanbery, lost his 9th District State Executive Committeeman position to former Fox affiliate talking head Dan Howell (57 percent to 43 percent). After Lisa Stanbery’s defeat in the May primary, it’s painfully clear the Stanbery brand has lost it’s gild.

The only other race of interest was the Bradley County Sheriff’s race. The voters rejected Democrat Steve Lawson’s Green Machine for the third time, handing the job of Bradley County’s top cop to veteran BCSO lawman, Capt. Jim Ruth (53 percent to 47 percent). Lawson spent over a  hundred grand trying to convince people that there was no difference between a Democrat and a Republican, but he just ended up proving that there is. Strike three, Steve. You’re out.

Bradley County is known as the “most Republican county in Tennessee.” The population here is largely conservative and a combination of faith and hard work has served the community well for the last 174 years.

However, because Cleveland/Bradley is conservative, it’s difficult for Democrats to win elections.

That is why many local Democrats join the Republican Party if they’re considering a run for public office. Dan Gilley did it. Chip Bryant did it. In 2006, the chairman of the Bradley County Republican Party had been head of the Young Democrats at Carson-Newman College just a few years before. Democrats in Bradley County routinely use the Republican Party to win public office.

The problem is, quite often, that type of thinking lends itself to deviousness and scheming, political tricks, that sort of thing.  To make our point, we ask you to consider Chip Bryant.

Long-time Dan Gilley sidekick, Chip Bryant, ran for the office of Bradley County Sheriff in the May primary as a Republican. We want to share with you part of an impassioned speech he gave before the Bradley County Republican Party on April 27, 2010, a week before the primary election ….

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EXCLUSIVE!

HTC’s J.Michael Leonard conducts an exclusive one-on-one interview with sheriff’s candidate, Democrat Steve Lawson! Listen as J.M. confronts Steve Lawson with the tough, hard-hitting questions only HE can ask! You wanted it ~ you got it!

Hundreds Turn Out to Support Rep. Eric Watson

Rep. Eric Watson, Sen. Dewayne Bunch and Rep. Beth Harwell share a moment after Watson's fundraiser luncheon at the Mountain View Inn, where Watson presented Bunch with a plaque of appreciation for his years of service as both a state representative and state senator.

State Representative Eric Watson, representing Tennessee’s 22nd District, held a well-attended fundraiser luncheon on Wednesday (7/28/10) at Cleveland’s Mountain View Inn. Rep. Beth Harwell, representing

Tennessee’s 56th District, was the keynote speaker. Several Nashville lawmakers took the opportunity to attend the event and wish State Senator Dewayne Bunch well as he retires from the legislature to pursue other interests.

Juvenile Judge Dan Swafford with Hannah Evans.

Long-time conservative advocate and Republican archivist Kay Shamblin with Hannah Evans.

Cleveland Daily Banner reporter Greg Kaylor could only hit the floor after learning the Banner's circulation of 12,000 pales in comparison to the millions of hits HometownCleveland gets each month.

Got some bad news from my cardiologist this week. He said, based on lab results from my last physical, I didn’t have much longer to live. That hit me pretty hard because I’m not a young guy anymore. I asked the doctor how long did I have and he said no more than 20, maybe 30 years. That’s all. Maybe 40 if I take care of myself. Sixty if I turn out to be a freak with an abnormally long life span, and maybe even 90 to 100 years longer than that if I lie about my age. But that’s all. Even with advances in modern medicine and the miracle of Obamacare, that’s all I can expect. Mortality. Wow. And then you die, huh?

In a fit of pique this week, baby daddy in Oakland, California threw his two-year-old daughter into the path of an on-coming automobile. Fortunately, the car was able to stop in the nick of time. Although the child was actually wedged against the car’s undercarriage for a time, she did not suffer life-threatening injuries. I look for Attorney General Eric Holder to file charges against the little girl for obstructing traffic.

A guy in Saudi Arabia identified only as “Turki,” has kept his son chained up in the basement for six years because the boy is “possessed by an evil female genie.” In other words, the kid is gay. Turki also confessed that he, himself, “used to see a woman who would at times appear very beautiful and at times extremely ugly.” But that was probably just his wife. When she had the burka on, she was very beautiful. When the burka came off, she was extremely ugly. Plus the gay son chained in the basement. Continue Reading

Body of Monroe County election official found in trunk of vehicle

Sweetwater, TN (WATE) – The body of a Monroe County election official was found in the trunk of a burnt vehicle Saturday night, the family of the victim and a law enforcement source said.

Official confirmation of the death of Jim Miller, chairman of the Monroe County Election Commission and first district chairman of the Monroe County Republican Party, will come after an autopsy has been conducted.

Miller was also the president of Jim Miller Excavating Company.

“It’s possible I was the last person that actually spoke to him,” said James Brown, Miller’s longtime friend and colleague. “Anytime you call Jim, day or night, he was there. He was a top fellow. He was like that with anybody.”

In a statement released Sunday evening, Miller’s wife Vickie and her family said they “wish to thank all those who have expressed their condolences and offered their comfort and sympathy” regarding Jim Miller’s death.

The statement goes on to say that “Jim was always the first to answer the call of any city, organization, or member of the community in need. He will be sorely missed.”

A sheriff’s deputy reported seeing the vehicle fire on Sands Road at about 8 p.m. while on patrol.

The vehicle was fully engulfed when the deputy arrived.

Firefighters from the Christianburg Fire Department responded to the scene and extinguished the fire.

While putting out the flames human remains were found in the trunk of the vehicle.

The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office is working in conjunction with the TBI and the Tennessee State Bomb and Arson division on the investigation.

Hold on, whoa-up!  Time for a break in my usual line of articles about things of the past.  I must interject some current events in  this thing I do.  Yep, time for me to write something in the line of politics.

Wait a minute — don’t be running off to read something that JML guy might have written — stay with me, because I have something to say about the current political campaign of the two main persons running for the office of Sheriff.

First off, I better admit that my only interest in the Sheriff’s race is one centered on my past profession of being a law enforcement officer for 41 years.  Twenty-four in the military and 17 as a police chief in a one-horse Texas town.  Yep, I actually worked for a living when I was younger and foolish yet.  I say foolish because being a peace officer is not the wisest thing a person can do.  It might be the bravest, most selfless, most dedicated and worthy thing a person can do, but it is not the smartest.  Anyway, I did it and thus consider myself to be qualified to talk about law enforcement.

Last week I attended a news conference that Steve Lawson, the democrat candidate for the sheriff’s job, tossed in the legal offices near the courthouse.  I thought that the conference would be about Lawson’s ideas for improving the Sheriff’s department, so was disappointed to hear that he only wanted to complain about someone calling him an Obama Democrat.  Huh? Continue Reading

The political forums are so many and so much alike this election season that the Newshound feels like he’s chasing his tail again; a bad habit that was hard for him to break. But these talking point forums will do that to you. At least the latest one, held Thursday evening at Cleveland State Community College, didn’t have a bogus straw poll at the end.

The CSCC forum featured candidates from the 3rd District Congressional race, the Tennessee State Senate race and the Bradley County Sheriff’s race, and was brought to us by the Lion’s Club and the Cleveland Bar Association.

Lions and lawyers. Sounds like a bread and circuses match-up in some Roman Colosseum. And yes, the Newshound probably would pay to see some lions eat some lawyers.

This was the line-up …

Representing the 3rd District Congressional race were two Democrats: John Wolfe and Brenda Freeman Short; and seven Republicans: Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful and Grumpy.

(A side note: The fact is, when you are talking about a first-term congressperson, you’re almost talking about a hypothetical thing because they will have no power or influence in Washington. They are moot, they have no substance. So any promises they make to the voters are, by definition, empty promises.)

Representing the State Senate race were two Republicans: Lou Patten and Mike Bell.

And representing the Sheriff’s race all by his lonesome was Barack Obama’s #1 fan: Democrat Steve Lawson.

This report will be brief because it is now the wee hours of Friday morning and the Newshound is tired. All he wants to do is curl up under the porch and dream about soup bones and dead cats.

Couple of things …

First of all, Republican Congressional candidate Chuck Fleischmann (Sneezy) once again accused rival Republican Congressional candidate Robin Smith (Grumpy), who was chairperson of the state GOP for about five minutes, of leaving the party with a $19,090 shortfall in its unrestricted fund balance. She denies it, but audits done after her tenure do indicate the party has a low cash balance and high “obligations.” On the other hand, Mike Huckabee has been shucking for Fleischmann on TV and in the media, and there’s something about Huckabee that mildly creeps the Newshound out. Can’t put his finger on it exactly, just a feeling, but something about Huckabee comes across as hinky, so voters can sort that one out.

Secondly, political races are partisan and Democrats are losing the trust of voters. That’s why Sheriff’s candidate Steve Lawson, a heretofore Obama-Pelosi Democrat, has tried so hard to trick people into thinking he’s a conservative Republican. If a candidate fibs, connives and misrepresents himself to win public office, you have to wonder whether that candidate will serve in an honorable, above-board manner. Many voters are now questioning Lawson’s ability to lead.

Which is why it was odd to see one of the other Republican Congressional candidates, sheriff Tim Gobble (Happy), being so chummy with Lawson at Thursday evening’s forum. It is confusing to voters to see a Republican sitting shoulder-to-shoulder and schmoozing with the very Democrat who wants to replace him. Yes, the Newshound is aware the sheriff said he wasn’t taking sides in the race. But the Newshound is also aware of the four-column, above-the-fold newspaper article in Friday’s Times Free Press (7/16/10) in which the sheriff went to great lengths to criticize Lawson’s Republican opponent because of a campaign ad. The sheriff is a great guy, but he needs to pick a hand if he’s really in it to win it.

But campaign ads have given Lawson a fit anyway this past week.

Actually, Lawson should probably take a page from fellow Democrat John Wolfe’s book. Which brings us to the Newshound’s final thoughts on the forum: Chattanooga attorney and former talk show host, John Wolfe, who is  one of the Democrats in the 3rd District Congressional race.

Wolfe once fought Citibank to a standstill for seven years over the attempted foreclosure of a small family farm. He’s an advocate for the little guy and doesn’t shy away from a fight. Wolfe has established himself as a defender of the defenseless, “standing up for the working man and speaking truth to power when necessary.”

Here’s where Lawson can benefit from Wolfe’s example. Wolfe has never claimed to be anything he’s not, regardless of political expediency. Despite the fact that Barack Obama is now a liability to Democrats, Wolfe has never betrayed his ideology or his party. Right, wrong or indifferent, he is a Democrat: he runs as a Democrat, he lets people know he’s a Democrat and he’s proud to be a Democrat. Lawson would be better served to stop playing like he’s a Republican and embrace his party. Many Democrats have expressed dismay at the way Lawson has been running his campaign. The Newshound’s advice to Steve Lawson is, just be who you are. You’re an Obama-Pelosi Democrat. Embrace it. And maybe take a few anger management courses. And cut back on the cigarettes.

Lastly, a little fun stuff. Wolfe sat next to Robin Smith during the forum, and when he wasn’t plying her with pithy asides, he seemed to be trying to smell her hair. Even better, she seemed to be liking it. Obviously, Wolfe isn’t shy about reaching across-the-aisle when it comes to matters of the heart. And ol’ Grumpy can be downright fetching when the light is right, what with her cute figure and golden locks and all.

Then, when Republican Van Irion (Sleepy) asserted that the government had no responsibilities under the Constitution but to maintain the military, coin money and build roads, Wolfe gained the podium and replied, “Since you’re John C. Calhoun, I’ll be John Marshall.” Okay, to the layman, that may have seemed a little dry, but take the Newshound’s word — that was truly a bon mot.

Now it’s into the arms of Morpheus for the Newshound as he calls it another (long) day.

By now, everyone in the tri-state area knows about the Steve Lawson/Obama ad that ran in the Cleveland Daily Banner last week. The Banner claims a circulation of 12,767 in a county with a population of over 100,000. Had Lawson ignored the ad, it would probably have already been forgotten by most anyone who saw it.

However, because of his over-the-top reaction to the ad and the intensity with which he went about “investigating” the private citizen who placed it and then releasing that private citizen’s personal information to the media at a public press conference, it has not only become a Big Story, but the whole thing casts very serious concerns as to how Lawson would operate as Bradley County’s top lawman.

Lawson, a Democrat, is challenging Republican Jim Ruth for the office of Bradley County sheriff since the current sheriff, Tim Gobble, will hopefully be moving on to the U.S. House of Representatives for Tennessee’s 3rd District in the upcoming Congressional election.

On Saturday, HometownCleveland.com spoke with the gentleman who placed the controversial ad, Nick Vicino. He said he went to the Banner in person to pay for it and, when asked, showed the ad rep his driver’s license. He said he made no attempt to hide his identity, nor did it occur to him to do so. Vicino’s name is actually included in the ad itself — prominently displayed — with the disclaimer, “Not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee.”

He didn’t want to talk too much on the record, but did say he is a Democrat and Obama supporter who believes in the President’s vision for America.

“I think Obama’s doing a good job under the circumstances,” Vicino told us. “After eight years of Bush and the Republicans, it’s going to take sacrifice and hard choices to get us out of the hole. He just needs time, it can’t happen overnight.”

As to what his interest is in Bradley County, Vicino said he has been a regular visitor to our area for many years and enjoys the restaurants, the Ocoee River, hiking, fishing and camping. He has attended Evening Shade concerts in Johnston Park, the fireworks at Tri-State, Red Clay Park, the apple festival, block party, the Sheriff’s Family Day and many other events. He also mentioned he and his girlfriend of 20 years have been looking at property up this way. Although, after all the negative scrutiny the ad brought him, they are now soured on that notion.

“Tell Steve Lawson he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore,” Vicino said. “Tell him he can call off his dogs cause I’m out of it. My girlfriend is scared to go out of the house. I’m always looking over my shoulder. Tell him if he was trying to intimidate us by sending those undercover cops down here, he succeeded because we haven’t had a good night’s rest since that ad ran. We get nervous every time a car passes out front. I’m afraid they’re going to plant drugs in my van or something. It’s pretty nerve-racking.”

But this isn’t just a case of Lawson going after a guy who said something he didn’t like — this is Lawson going after the guy, the guy’s girlfriend and anybody who has the misfortune of living at any address where the guy used to live. At his press conference the day after the ad ran, Lawson released to the media an eight-page “Comprehensive Report” on Vicino that contained his private cell phone number, his address, his background history, the addresses and phone numbers of private citizens who have no relation to Vicino, the first five digits of their Social Security numbers, and other such information dating back several decades — in other words, a recipe for identity theft.

Lawson said his investigation of Vicino was conducted by “private investigators who tracked him down pretty quick.” But he-who-would-be-sheriff should know it isn’t too terribly hard to track someone down who shows their driver’s license to the newspaper, puts their name in the ad and isn’t trying to hide to begin with. Even Barney Fife could have tracked him down “pretty quick,” and probably without the help of all those private investigators.

According to the district attorney’s office, the Bureau of Ethics & Campaign Finance, and all other regulatory and law enforcement agencies in the region, Vicino did not do anything wrong or break any law when he placed the ad.

Incredibly, HometownCleveland.com was the only media represented at Lawson’s press conference who questioned whether the “investigation” was a violation of a private citizen’s First Amendment right to freedom of speech. Only one there. Welcome to hope and change according to Barack Obama and Steve Lawson.

Oil spill destroying the Gulf of Mexico, the U.S. and Russia in another Cold War, deficit beyond our ability to pay, government spiraling into totalitarianism … what is wrong with people? You’re worrying about stuff like that when Lindsey Lohan may have to go to jail for 90 days? And then spend another 90 days in re-hab? My God, that’s 180 days. People, these are movie stars. They sacrifice their lives to entertain us, and we throw them in jail? And look at Paul McCartney. Will you still need him, will you still feed him when he’s 64? You say you will, but what about Ringo? Ringo just turned 70. Will you still need him and feed him, too? And those Depends, people, they ain’t gonna change themselves. How far are you really willing to go?

Poor Malia Obama. First, her dad made fun of her grades in school, then her mom said she’s fatter than she needs to be, now her dad’s back cracking on her braces. What’s next? They gonna announce her period? Then Barack added, “She’s, uh, she’s getting too, uhm, too old for me.” So on top of everything else, the kid’s too old? Barack, I hate to tell you, pal, but we’re, uh, we’re all, uhm, getting too, uhm, uh, too old for you.

On the other hand, as Frank Barone once said, “If your kids don’t hate you, you’ve failed as a parent.” So I guess it ain’t no thing but a chicken wing, y’all.

Hey, you were offended by my fiddlin’ Nero gag? Try this on for size …

And I Quote: “I hate white people. All of them. Every last iota of a cracker, I hate him. We didn’t come out here to play today. There’s too much serious business going on in the black community to be out here sliding through South Street with white, dirty, cracker, whore, motherf—-ers on our arm, and we call ourselves black men? …You want freedom, you gonna have to kill some crackers. You gonna have to kill some of their babies.” ~ Samir Shabazz, the billy club welding Black Panther who U.S Attorney General Eric Holder refused to prosecute for intimidating white voters at a polling booth in Philly during the presidential election

Hate speech? Naw … just a little impassioned. Some folks are saying Eric Holder is practicing reverse discrimination by giving Shabazz a pass on the voter intimidation, but I don’t know what reverse discrimination is. Discrimination is discrimination. If you reverse it, it’s still discrimination. Yes? But, “You gonna have to kill some crackers, you gonna have to kill some of their babies”? Change cracker to the N-word and that could be the Democrats’ hero Robert Byrd speaking. Here we are in the 21st century with a black president and all of a sudden it’s 1940 again. Hey, Shabazz, you want to kill cracker babies? Go to school, become an abortion doctor.

You know, I’ve dated a few white, dirty, cracker, whore, motherf—-ers in my time. You get a few beers in em and they can be a lot of fun. Continue Reading

Boy, what a great 4th, huh? Nice weather. I was going to honor the occasion by reading the Declaration of Independence and maybe The Federalist Papers, but, man, we got to grilling out up on the lake, swimming and eating all day. What is it about baked beans? I love those things. Watching the fireworks, eating some more, back home watching Independence Day on the Blu-Ray. So I forgot about the Declaration and the other thing, The Papers. But you know what? It’s like my mother always used to say … Independence, schmendependence … as long as you got high def and some hot dogs, you know what I’m saying? It’s going to be alright.

President Obama has decided to bite the bullet and accept help from other nations with the big oil spill. To Mr. Obama, may I say: Please don’t be hasty, sir. It has only been a little over 80 days that oil has been pouring into the Gulf at a rate of a hundred thousand gallons a day … can’t we give it a few more months? Maybe it’ll stop on its own. I don’t think we need to rush into asking other nations for help over a few oily pelicans. Makes us look weak. You know, sir, patience is a virtue.

Since men and women are working side-by-side aboard the International Space Station, NASA has issued a statement saying sex in space is strictly forbidden. Yeah NASA, and if you believe that you’ll buy this watch (he said, holding up a three dollar Sergio Feinstein).

Woman in Fruita, Colorado said she smashed up her car because she saw a vampire in the road. Cops said they didn’t suspect alcohol or drugs. They just wrote it up as another vampire-related automobile accident. But you know what the irony of that story is? The woman took out werewolf insurance with Allstate just the day before, but thought the vampire insurance was too far-fetched. I say, the vampire insurance was too far-fetched. Is this thing on? (tap!tap!) Can you hear me in the back?

Now: If it ain’t broke, break it.

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My boyhood gang was not dedicated to anything other than having fun. Or whatever passed as fun. Our theatre of war was mostly in the southeast sector of Pittsburgh;  an area that had intense industrial activities along the banks of the Monongahela River — which was down in a valley — and a rural setting that covered the plateau and rolling hills above the valley.

Our gang never lacked for amusement because we had the choice of town life or country life. The difference was as simple as going out the front door of the house into the countryside or out the back door that faced the river, railroad tracks and steel mills.

The gang functioned in all seasons, in all weather and at all times of the day or night. One of our adventures in particular gives me a warm feeling — the time Stretch, the tall guy in our gang, taught me that being a shrimp was not a bad thing to be, at times. Me, of course, being the shrimp. It was a balmy evening in the fall of 1944, and I was but a sweet-faced lad of twelve …

Me, Stretch and the rest of the gang were pitching pennies against a curb under a streetlight in the neighborhood when Butterball (the gang’s fat kid) suggested that we find something to eat … which wasn’t anything new coming from him because he was always ready to eat. Anyway, Gump (the gang’s country boy), seconded the suggestion by reminding us that it was harvest time — the time when all the local fruit trees and gardens were ripe for picking. Continue Reading

In order to support their claims that Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is an activist, Republicans are demanding to see memos she wrote when she was a law clerk for Justice Thurgood Marshall. Some of the documents were retrieved from the Clinton presidential library, some from the National Archives and the rest from Sandy Berger’s pants.

Bubba and Sandy, huh? Still good for a laugh, even after all these years.

And I Quote: “The collapse of the financial system as we know it is real, and the crisis is far from over. Indeed, we have just entered Act II of the drama.” ~ Billionaire “socialist” George Soros (and if you’re gonna be a socialist, that’s the best kind to be)

Of course, that’s Act II of a drama entitled “Dr. Strangemoney, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Tyranny.”

Soros. Pronounced “Sore-Os.” You know, in the ancient Canaanite, “sore-os” means “these pretzels are making me thirsty.”

Here’s you one to mull over … while the Dutch are lobbying to stop Muslims from immigrating into the Netherlands because they fear for their safety, Prince Charles is actually urging Brits to follow Muslim’s “spiritual principles” in order to save the planet. Good one, Charles. You have Sharia law threatening your judicial stability and Islamo mutts blowing up your citizens, and that’s the best you can come up with? Who are you all of a sudden, Neville Chamberlain? Dude, those are the kind of guys would cut your ears off and use them for coasters and then take offense if you complained. Yeah, let em in your house, Charles. That’s a good plan.

By the way, the Taliban executed a seven-year-old boy recently for being an Afghani spy. What a waste of life. They could have made him a suicide bomb, set him off in some crowded market place or U.S. checkpoint and maximized the carnage tenfold. I mean, since the boy was gonna die anyway, he coulda taken some infidels with him, right? What? You don’t like executed children humor? Hanging a kid who’s still got his baby teeth ain’t your cup of tea? Well, don’t fuss at me … fuss at Prince Charles ~ he’s the one wants to give em the planet.

Speaking of child abuse, a three-year-old girl in China has a pack-a-day cigarette habit and routinely downs three beers at a time. Audrey Silk should hire that little girl to be the new logo for NYC C.L.A.S.H., that’s all I gotta say. But the three-year-old’s mother said the cigarettes and beer help the kid relax. Well, yeah, mom, I guess so. A little smack injected into an artery would probably help, too. Whatever happened to warm milk, a rocking chair and a mother’s lap? That used to help me relax when I was three. That and The Phil Silvers Show. Continue Reading

I just got off the phone. Someone wanted to complain about the way I write. Not about the poor grammar, poor spelling or lack of a theme — she wanted to complain about how I am impolite, insensitive, insensible and sometimes incoherent.

The first thing I asked her was whether or not she worked for a certain local newspaper. She claimed she was unemployed so I took that to mean she was maybe on the City Council. The second thing I asked her was if she had caught me telling a lie. No, no lies. She just thought I should stop writing stories until I changed my ways. I thought that was a bit much so I asked her if I did stop writing, could I try doing poetry.

Poetry? Sure, why not? After reading some pieces that have appeared in local newspapers, I figure I could do no worse. After all, isn’t poetry a few pegs down the skill ladder from prose? (I know I read that somewhere but please don’t ask me to post a link or make a quote because the utterance may have occurred in one of my high school classes. There aren’t any links that go back that far — except maybe the “missing link.”)

Poetry is easier than prose. Poetry is easier because right off the bat, you get some of that “poetic license,” which means that it is okay to make no sense. The stuff doesn’t even have to rhyme — grammar sure doesn’t apply — and you can lie all you want because people who read poetry expect that.

To make a poem all you have to do is think up a first line. A good first line sets the tone of the whole thing. It won’t hurt if the second line rhymes with the first line but it isn’t necessary. No, the secret of a poem is what you put in the first line and then show an utter hatred for grammar. Anything goes.

I already know that Tennessee poetry is the easiest to write because folks are already accustomed to hearing the words in those stupid hillbilly songs.

Twang, twang, I bumped my thang!

Eww, eww, it hurts by dang!

That’s poetry and probably the makings of a song that will no doubt get played at the next open house at the county cattle barn. Probably by someone who has mastered the Jew’s harp. What? That is not politically correct? Okay, lets change that to mouth harp. Continue Reading

Troops -

Will diet for food.

Anyone?  Is this mic on?

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Nun of the Above

“The creeds of the major religions are mutually contradictory, so that the one thing we know for certain about religion is that if any religion is true then most religions are false.”  - Anthony Kenny, in DEFENSE of religion!

http://www.truthdig.com/arts_culture/item/anthony_kenny_on_atheist_delusions_20100514/

This is a REALLY well-written and entertaining article.

Still, as Sam Harris has noted, even believers are atheists about all but one god.  Atheism just closes the circle.  Hobbyhorse alert!

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Win-win for Mom

“Kids, if you rake the yard, I’ll get pizza for dinner.” Continue Reading