Boy. This month, man … it was a whirlwind. But my social calendar is always full in February, all the activities and events and whatnot. I don’t any more recuperate from Lincoln’s birthday when here comes George Washington with a birthday of his own. Then you got President’s Day, the anniversary of the Constitution, Valentine’s Day, Ash Wednesday, Flag Day, are you kidding me? It’s a bleak, short month but I gotta tell you … it’s one busy little bugger. And that doesn’t even take into account it’s Black History Month, too. Oh yeah, and my own birthday is in February. I forgot about that one. Yeah. No, don’t try to even get me on the phone during February ~ that’s my busy time.

This week’s Gallup poll has Obama’s approval rating at 59 percent. The mindless euphoria that swept him into office has dissipated somewhat and more and more people are beginning to second guess the whole thing. It’s like some guy waking up with a hangover in a Las Vegas motel room and realizing the boozy, bleached?blond hoochie mama snoring next to him there in the bed is his new wife.

I wonder how the Bush?bashers like hearing Obama being bashed. Awww, don’t worry too much … it ain’t nothing but a thang. But in case you still don’t know that Pelosi and her posse are all consummate fools, consider this: They are now asking for another taxpayer?funded $410 billion spending bill (fraught with the obligatory earmarks, pork and “special projects”). Who are they bailing out this time? You might want to sit down for this … they’re bailing out themselves! They say they need the money to keep the government running through the end of the fiscal year. My question to them is, why keep the government running? If they would butt out … if they had butted out two years ago … everybody would be a lot better off now.

And I Quote: “(Barack Obama) is declaring war on investors, entrepreneurs, small businesses, large corporations and private?equity and venture?capital funds.” ~ Larry Kudlow, columnist and host of CNBC’s The Kudlow Report

No, seriously … I gotta pay the mortgages and health care costs and, I dunno, the beer and cigarettes for all the deadbeats who won’t work. Let’s cut to it, Obama. Just send all those people on over to the house around six each evening. I might as well feed em, too.

As if we need further proof that the country is sinking under the weight of politically correct foolishness, now we got reusable “toilet wipes.” My buttock bristles at the thought. Listen ~ if God had wanted us wiping our rear ends with the same rag over and over again, He wouldn’t have invented 2?ply Bounty on convenient cardboard rolls. Have the eco-freaks considered how much energy we’ll waste washing their nasty reusable wipes? Unless … OMG, surely they intend them to be washed? I don’t know, maybe not, it’s all organic. Anyway, it’s just a matter of time before Washington comes up with a BM tax. Hey, wipe that, uh … I mean, remove that smile from your face cause I’m being serious … the turd tax is coming.

I sound like some weird version of Paul Revere, huh? The turd tax is coming! The turd tax is coming!

A cafe in one Las Vegas casino is trying to attract more tourists by offering prizes to anyone who can eat one of their giant burritos. The thing is two feet long and weighs six pounds. I promise you now, you polish off one of those bad boys, your BM will kick a reusable butt wipe into the middle of Andromeda.

By the way, Joe Biden … the “web site number” you were trying to remember is recovery.org. That’s the propaganda web site you guys created to water the roots of your socialist programs. I can’t imagine how you could have forgotten it. Then I remember, oh yeah, you’re Joe Biden. Anyway, you walking hairplug, it’s called a web address or a URL, not a web site number. Remember how y’all ridiculed John McCain for being computer illiterate? Joe … you’re computer illiterate.

According to a human rights lawyer, abuse at Guantanamo Bay has gotten worse since Obama said he was gonna close it. Guards’re pepper-spraying the toilet paper, force-feeding hunger strikers til they’re stuffed, interrupting their prayers, doing the various and sundry “gestures, comments and disrespect” and, of course, the beatings. All the time with the beatings. Poor freakin terrorists. Poor us. Poor them. Poor USA, poor leadership, poor business ethics, poor money lenders, poor victimized people who want nothing more from life than to sponge off the rest of us, poor victimized victims of history, and poor, poor (as Helen Thomas would say) so-called terrorists. Pardon me while I barf on your shoe.

Jehovah akbar.

And poor Islam who must live with the stereotype that all Muslims are terrorists, notwithstanding the fact that all terrorists are Muslim. Is that a stereotype? I don’t know, ask Aasiya Z. Hassan. If you don’t know who she is, Google her. Cause you sure ain’t gonna read about her in the mainstream media.

Ahhh, why are I ragging on the mainstream media? I may be selling the media short, cause some of them still do serious investigative reporting. CNN and Time magazine both did in?depth investigations into the Obama administration. Time found conclusive evidence that the Obama people do, in fact, prefer Coke over Pepsi, while CNN uncovered the closely?guarded secret of how Michelle Obama maintains her well?toned arms. That’s that Jeffersonian free press kind’a thang that sends a thrill up my leg.

by Kenneth Balog

When I penned the first article about how I thought the local government officials were being two-faced, I had not yet tumbled onto the reason they have been pushing that airport project.

Well, now I know. It had everything to do with that proposed Wacker Polysilicon plant, that, if it ever comes to fruition, will be sited next door to Olin, the Mercury contamination king.

Location is important to Wacker because their process for manufacturing hyperpure polychrstalline silicon requires massive amounts of Chlorine. Olin will supply the Chlorine because it is a product of their plant. Instead of Olin going out of business because of its history of emitting mercury, which has contaminated the Hiwassee River to the point that folks are warned about consuming fish caught in its waters, Olin will go on manufacturing chlorine products, using mercury in the process, and, more than likely, emitting more dangerous mercury.

Olin, and its environmental threat to our water supply aside, we might look at what Wacker intends to do. Making silicon wafers that are used in solar screens is a great idea and we certainly need solar energy to replace the skyrocketing costs of TVA electricity, however, a specific problem has been identified: a byproduct is silicon tetrachloride, which, if dumped in the countryside releases highly toxic hydrochloric acid and silicon dioxide.

The acid reacts with water in the soil, eyes and mucous membranes; the silicon dioxide is a very fine powder that can be ingested or inhaled, and it is worse than fly ash.

Wacker spokespersons claim that their entire operation will be conducted within closely monitored cells. (Just like Olin) If that is the case, Wacker is going to be consuming more electricity on a daily basis than the city of Cleveland. Considering the fact that TVA has been screaming that their facilities can hardly handle current customers, where will the new supply of electricity come from? And, who will pay the costs?

(Hassan Arabghani, Olin’s vice president of Business Development & Strategy, congratulated the state of Tennessee, Bradley County and the Cleveland/Bradley Chamber of Commerce for helping Wacker select Charleston.)

Given the track record of Olin, I strongly suspect that Wacker won’t have to comply with too many environmental standards either. Otherwise, why did they leave Germany and come here?

Oh, and the airport thing? Remember back when the City Council and Airport Authority members were claiming that a big airport would attract executives and their aircraft? Hmmmmm, did the officials know that Wacker was considering this county as a site for a manufacturing plant? Of course they did, as recent revelations have explained.

Aside from plowing local tax dollars into the airport, the city and county officials have given Wacker a 100 million dollar package of incentives connected with the deal, including provisions for necessary land, transportation access and a reliable source for water and electric-based energy, which are key resources in the production of their hyperpure polycrystalline silicon.

People as far away as Knoxville know about the Wacker deal, so isn’t it odd that nothing was mentioned about it in local media until the deal was done? Were the media involved in the secrecy? That alone speaks of two-faceism (excuse me if I made that word up). Yes, two-faced secrecy. What ever happened to the Open Meetings laws? Keeping things from the citizens? What is the name for that type government?

Ohhh, and another thing! Where did the 100 million incentives come from? Who sold the 550 acre patch of greenland to Wacker. Who cut the deal with Olin? Who gave Wacker the rights to use the Hiwassee River? Who authorized the chlorine pipeline?

One more maybe important question. Doesn’t the city of Cleveland draw its water supply from the Hiwassee? Is that above or below where Wacker and Olin will be dumping their wastewater into the river?

Does anyone want to address the fact that the negotiations were done in secrecy? Isn’t anyone concerned that our elected officials had secret meetings and obligated 100 million dollars of our county and city money as incentives to a foreign company? Golly, won’t anyone ask where the meetings were conducted, who attended and why the citizens were kept in the dark? Does anyone have a name for that type conduct? Two-faced doesn’t seem to be strong enough.

Extremists now control two-thirds of our checks and balances, and they’re working on the Judiciary. And it’s painfully obvious they’re just making it up as they go. Up to their hair plugs in improvisational government and they’re just winging it out there ~ government of the suspect, by the inept, for the least deserving. They have no idea how things will shake out, they’re just hoping for the best. And congratulating themselves at every step. They remind me of Hollywood. Which is why nobody’s watching the Oscars anymore, by the way. But that’s another story.

Is this 1984 or the brave new world? I get those confused.

Traders on the floor of the Chicago Board Options Exchange were bucking this week over the Obama posse’s “stimulus package” (or, in the vulgate, “taxation without representation”). They’re ready for a new Boston tea party behind the whole thing. But instead of dumping a bunch of tea into Boston Harbor, they want to take it to Chicago and dump a bunch of derivative securities into Lake Michigan. That’s one of those things I’d really like to see happen.

A crazed chimpanzee in New York had to be killed for viciously attacking a neighbor women. The chimpanzee’s name was Travis and his owner said he’d been a bit agitated that day so she’d given him “a Xanax and a cup of tea” to help calm him back down. How appropriate in the age of Darwin that we soothe the savage beast with prescription drugs and a nice cup o’ tea. How like the wild that is, where apes and tigers and elephants and rhinos and pythons and Komodo dragons routinely relax with nerve pills and herbal toddies. I think is was Louis and Mary Leakey who first observed monkey tea parties in darkest Africa back in the ’30s. I have my own theory about that ape in New York, though. Any monkey named Travis is bound to go berserk sooner or later. You gonna name an ape, name it Kong or Mighty Joe Young or something with Belgian Congo panache. Travis is the guy who bags your groceries or changes your oil. You name a wild animal Travis, let him sleep in your bed and feed him beanies and hot tea, you’re just asking for trouble.

What? No, I know the quote is “soothe the savage breast” … I took license to make a point. Did I make a point? I dunno, that’s a judgment call.

Blaxploitationmeister Al Sharpton and his dupes spent the week protesting a New York Post editorial cartoon that basically suggested the Obama/Pelosi stimulus bill had been written by a monkey. So? Sounds about right to me. No, what Al and them are offended at is, they’re saying the monkey is Obama, and depicting black people as monkeys is an unacceptable stereotype. Okay, okay. That’s kind of a reach, but okay. However, I’d be more sympathetic to brother Al and his brown shirts it they had raised as big a stink over those editorial cartoons depicting Dr. Condoleezza Rice as Butterfly McQueen. Nobody was offended then, why are they offended now? I’ll tell you why … because Al Sharpton is not just irrelevant, he’s tedious, that’s why. Hey, Al ~ it’s time to retire the race?baiting schtick, homey. It’s over. Get a real job.

And I Quote: “Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards.” ~ Attorney General Eric Holder

No, Eric. It’s you and Al and the other black enablers that are the cowards. How about putting your race fantasies to bed and be a man. Own up to the fact that Democrats have done nothing for black people. Better yet, stop expecting the government to do for blacks and allow blacks to do for themselves. I know this is hard for ultraliberals to grasp, Eric, but we’re all just people. For the most part, nobody cares about skin color anymore. Hello? Black president? You yourself are the freakin attorney general and you’re still cracking on white people? You’re stuck in the ’50s, man.

Look at me, lecturing Al and Eric and the black race. But it’s like I’ve always said … I don’t care if a man is black, white, yellow, brown, red or green ~ I hate em all.

Emboldened by his “re-election” (yeah, the people love this guy), Hugo Chávez has vowed to speed up “the construction of true socialism” in Venezuela. For inspiration, he’s looking to mighty Barack, who has accomplished more toward that end within his first three weeks in office than Chávez has in the entire 10 years he’s been in power. Hugo said Obama has shown a talent for change not seen since the days of Hitler. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but you get my drift. It’s foreshadowing, my peeps. Heed the signs. Heed the signs.

And I Quote: “You are a donkey, Mr. Danger. You are a donkey, Mr. George W. Bush … A psychologically sick man, I know it.” ~ Venezuela president Hugo Chávez, waxing eloquent about you-know-who

Obama says he doesn’t believe the Fairness Doctrine should be reinstated. Instead, he’s pushing for a Shut-Limbaugh-and-Hannity-Up Doctrine.

You know, one difference between the Dems and the Publicans is, crooked Publicans are condemned and humiliated in the media while crooked Dems get cabinet appointments. That’s one way you can tell them apart.

And I Quote: “Of the felons who registered with a party, Democrats outnumber Republicans more than two to one.” ~ from the Sun-Sentinel, Oct 12, 2008 (regarding convicted felons in Florida who are registered voters)

Ol’ Hillary’s traveling abroad, ostensibly to “repair America’s image” with Muslims. Hillary, why don’t you share a little American history with them. Remind them of all the oppressed countries we’ve pulled out of the crapper in the name of freedom. Remind them of all the tyrants we’ve opposed and deposed. Point out all the money and blood we’ve sacrificed for the right of foreign nations to exist. How about all the poor countries that receive billions each year from us in aid. How about the way we embolden the United Nations to criticize and threaten us by financing close to 100 percent of the organization. I could go on, Hillary, but if you could just grasp what I’ve said so far, you’ll be able to wing the rest: We don’t owe an apology to any country on the planet. Tell em that, Hill. Now go get em, girl. And leave Bubba at home.

Do you realize Nancy Pelosi is third in line to the presidency? Joe Biden is second in line? This sometimes causes me to come awake in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and screaming.

by The Texas Trouble Maker

Down in Texas, where I spent most of my time, calling someone ‘two faced’ meant that there was going to be a fight. Not so here in TN, where I have been calling members of the Cleveland City Council ‘two faced’ and sometimes worse things, and all I get in response is another raise in my taxes or, another disgusting spending project.

The latest machination of the two-faced Council members is this attempt to mess with the sales tax — again. In case you haven’t digested the pap that the council is spreading, they think that, SINCE THE STATE hasn’t maxed the amount of money that can be gouged from our thin wallets through the sales tax, the local council ought to.

Normally a sales tax generates sufficient money for a municipality to run on, however, hereabouts, such a tax falls short of council spending. Far short, because the council spends money in a reckless manner. Greenbelts, riverwalks, restrooms for folks who use the riverwalk, retreats, triviata and inanely prioritized projects. The latest and probably the most sumptuously otiose project involves a new airport the council is cramming down the throats of we citizens.

A new airport is about as necessary as twin Obamas. Or maybe a flock of cloned Pelosi creatures. The old airport handles traffic just fine, and could handle larger aircraft if the runway was extended 800 feet. But no, the council decided that a totally new airport was needed to handle less than a dozen executive type aircraft that might come here in the future.

Considering that Chattanooga already has a major airport that is about 20 odd miles away and there is a major highway system connected to that airport, you would think that citizens might wonder why an airport in Cleveland would serve any purpose.

Considering that Chattanooga airport already exists and is going to expand to make it a more robust operation, hasn’t someone thought about how a Cleveland airport is going to run into some restrictions in the future?

Considering that Chattanooga airport already has air control, maintenance, fuel, storage, training, passenger and transportation facilities established and running, will the Cleveland airport duplicate all those things? For what reason, and at what cost? And, nobody has mentioned that the Cleveland airport can never compete, or get the same price breaks that the Chattanooga airport gets because of its size and volume of consumption.

Where does the Two Face business come into play? Well, from the outset, when this airport dream came up, the city council has stated that no local tax dollars would be used for the airport project – all the money would come from government grants. Ooooweeee, what a lie.

For instance, the city council gave $500K of taxpayer money to the airport authority to use as the authority saw fit. Sure, the city claims that the $500K was a loan, but, wasn’t that a loan of taxpayer dollars? Sure it was, and not only that, rumor has it that there are no terms on the loan. No interest, no payback schedule and no payback date.

For instance, the city council has recently asked the state for a few million to work on the airport – not a few million to do projects for the citizens, just the airport.

For instance, the local Utility, which already charges citizens an arm and a leg for electricity, water, sewage and drainage, is planning to install utilities at the new airport. The council has requested another grant from the state for the utilities project — probably — but how much money has the Utility already spent or set aside for the airport project? Didn’t that money come from citizens’ pockets as a part of paying utility bills? Shouldn’t that money be used to supply services to the citizens?

Besides the city council being two-faced, how about TDEC allowing the Airport Authority to destroy a large section of a creek — converting the home of aquatic life into a concrete lined rain-water gutter? Do you think that a common citizen could get away with something like that?

Does anyone have answers? Are members of the council and TDEC as two-faced as I think they are?

Before we begin, I will remind you that all typos and misspellings found in this column are purely intentional. I feel it makes things edgy and rebellious and conveys just the right touch of illiteracy.

Which, in turn, begs the question ~ after almost 13 years of writing this thing, with all the attendant technological and societal changes … beginning on the printed page, eventually moving into cyberspace ~ is this still a “column” or is it now a “blog”? Am I a writer or am I a blogger? Cause I got to say, I still feel like a writer. Being a blogger sounds a little hinky to me. Like maybe I ate too much or something and I’m in the john blogging. But I’ll try and make a decision before I close.

You know, I thought it was bad enough the way Bush and FEMA screwed up the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, but during the icy weather the country experienced last week, they did the exact same thing with those poor folks in western Kentucky. Western Kentucky was slammed by the worst ice storm in over 30 years. You had people dead, people without heat or power, roads impassable because of fallen trees … and George Bush didn’t do one dadgum thing for them. He truly is the worst president we’ve ever had. If he can’t get the job done, he ought to resign. What? What’s that you say? George Bush ain’t president anymore? Oh yeah, that’s right. I guess I forgot. I’m so used to blaming him for everything, I forgot Barack Obama is the president now. Well … that’s different, then. So what if Obama didn’t do nothing for those people in Kentucky. I mean, it’s not like it’s Hollywood or anything. Or even Chicago. We’re talking about freakin Kentucky, for goodness sake. They’ll be alright. They’re used to hard times. It wasn’t nothing but a little ice. All them hill crackers got fireplaces anyway. They’ll be fine. They like that primitive, pioneer crap. Obama’s got too much on his plate to be worrying about a bunch of white folk in Kentucky. If those people don’t like the weather there, they should move some place where there’s not so much ice.

Talk about having your priorities straight, a guy in Boynton Beach name of Jean Fortune called 911 last week because the local Burger King told him they no longer served pink lemonade. Of course the police were just as outraged as Fortune was, and when they showed up, they allowed Fortune to take all the cash that was in the registers to compensate for his inconvenience. Then they arrested all the employees, shot the manger dead on the spot, and shut the Burger King down until such a time as they can lay in a plentiful supply of pink lemonade. Then Fortune was honored with a parade because he stood up to Burger King and the mayor of Boynton Beach swore by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob that never again would a citizen of his town ever have to go without pink lemonade again. Then Fortune was allowed to have carnal relations with Miss Florida as much as he wanted. Well, no, not really. Actually, what happened was Fortune was charged with misusing the 911 system and is now a laughing stock all over the country, as evidenced by his appearance and subsequent ridicule here in this column. Or blog. Whatever it is.

Or, in the words of the great jazz vocalist Jon Hendricks, “The mind is like a parachute ~ it only functions when it’s open.”

Yeah, I watched Obama’s first press conference this past week. I don’t know how to tell you this, my peeps, but the emperor’s naked.

They love their cows over in India, and that’s okay. Lot of farmers in this country love their cows, too. And not always in a good way. But the Indians have taken it to the next level. They are marketing a new soft drink called “Gau Jal,” which translates as “Cow Water.” Can you guess what it’s made from? Aww, go on, take a guess. Yes, you are correct. Gau Jal is made from cow pee. I don’t even like thinking about where milk comes from, there’s no way I’ll try any of that Gau Jal. Although I bet it’s got quite a twang. Anyway, the Indians have kind of redefined euphemisms with that one. Cow water. That’s like calling do-do “recycled people food.” And that’s reason number 3,562 that I don’t want to go to India.

In order to win the title of World’s Largest Breasts, 28-year-old Sheyla Hershey had her girls augmented to a staggering 38KKK. Now that, Nancy Pelosi, is a stimulus package. Those aren’t even breasts anymore … they’re suburbs. They should have their own zip codes. Part of me is repulsed and part of me wants to have her babies.

Speaking of breasts, Salma Hayek was in Sierra Leone this week and ~ since she was already lactating ~ decided to breast feed a week-old African baby. So she plopped it out and the little bugger drank his fill. Careful, Salma … Africa’s a big place and there’s an awful lot of hungry people there. You sure you’re up to the challenge?

And then there are probably those who feel, and rightly so, that two breast references in one column is at least one too many. Even for a blog, that’s over the top.

Okay, I’ve decided. I’m going to keep calling it a column. No, no, on second thought, I’ll call it a blog. No, a column. No, wait, I’ll call it a blog. No, a column. A blog. Yeah, a blog. No, a column.Uhhh … yeah, a column. No, a blog. Definitely a blog. Column. Blog. Okay. Column blog. Column. Blog. Blog. Okay, I’m gonna have to flip a coin. Heads it’s column, tails it’s blog. Annnnd it’s … tails. It’s a blog. Hmmmm … you know what? Let go with the best two out of three …

by The Texas Trouble Maker

I am already sick and tired of hearing about Obama. Especially about his sudden love for flying in Air Force 1. For a guy who ran on a platform of change, he sure has been running up the bills with that big blue and white airplane. He first used the thing to travel from Washington D C to Williamsburg, VA. That little hop cost taxpayers 583K while going in a commuter plane would have cost $2K. A bus would have cost $215 round trip. Then he went to Chicago to show off the plane to folks in the hood. That cost $720K. Now he plans on going to Colorado to sign that Pork Package he is so proud of. Couldn’t sign the thing in the White House like normal — he had to go to Colorado to do it. Talk about a waste of money. The signing of the Pork package as well as the trip.

I don’t know why I am upset about the cost of Air Force 1, which is just a Cadillac way for the President of ASS to travel. I ought to be more worried about the USA becoming the ASS. Oh, you don’t know what ASS means? It is an acronym for American Socialist States. Now do you understand? It is a fitting title because we are becoming a Socialist Nation.

There are those who will disagree with me about the socialist thing, however, all they have to do is look at the facts. I mean all the handouts citizens receive from the government — food stamps, government housing, special education, unemployment entitlements, public transportation, free medical care — you name it, our government is handing it out — to people who do not work. That is what a socialist state does.

Socialism is bad enough; however, that alone does not worry me. What has me shaking in my boots is the Nationalism that goes along with the Socialism. Yep, that is why I abhor people like Obama. He and members of that party that has an ass as a mascot are fixing to nationalize a whole raft of what were once private businesses. Banks, auto manufacturing, housing, health care, insurance – too many to mention.

Why does that frighten me? Well, history has proven that when a government combines Nationalism and Socialism the result is a thing called Nazism. Yep, the term Nazi is derived from the first two syllables of ‘Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeitenpatei‘, which was the official name of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party.

What with Obama’s government being polluted with socialists and him already nationalizing industry, I am contemplating him and his supporters regulating the type motor vehicles we drive, restricting ownership of firearms, requiring national identification cards, regulating travel, controlling the number of children parents may have, dumbing down educational standards, creating public works projects, standardizing private housing and neighborhoods, social insurance, national health insurance, and the establishment of a welfare state, not to mention requiring employers to hire folks who are only qualified in rampant breeding. All of it aimed at destroying the American concept that the Individual counted for something.

Besides being concerned about what the President of ASS will do, I am concerned about the way that the concept of ASS has filtered down to our local government. It would seem that, although they claim to be Republicans, the members of our local governments are really supporters of ASS. They spend like members of ASS, they dream up asinine projects like members of ASS and in general, they act like members of ASS. And, they hardly ever listen to a citizen. I mean, really.

Abe Lincoln’s coming up on his 200th birthday. Abe Lincoln is Barack Obama’s hero. Obama swears by him. I personally feel like Abe Lincoln is a bit overrated, but that’s just me. If Obama and his sycophants in Congress want Abe Lincoln as a role model, more power to em. Far be it from me to point out that Honest Abe was a Republican. They might as well be idolizing Ronald Reagan. It’s all that revisionist history. Modifying the past to fit the agendas of the present. It’s like the way Democrat candidates find Jesus every election. It would be funny if it weren’t pitiful.

There is another well known Republican who is idolized by Democrats, too, but they don’t like being reminded he was a Republican. I’m talking about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Yeah, he was a Republican. But how can that be, say the revisionists ~ Republicans are all rich white bigots. Those who accept their history as something that is past, fixed and unchangeable will recall it was the Democrats who turned the fire hoses on black demonstrators as they petitioned the government for the equal rights due them under the U.S. Constitution. It was Democrats who barred blacks from entering white schools and colleges. In the South, they called themselves “Dixicrats.” In fact, it was Democrats that made up the membership of the KKK. Old Democrat Senator Robert Byrd used to be a Grande Kleagle in the Klan, or whatever they call their leaders. He sits in the U.S. Senate to this day. So, yeah, Dr. King was a Republican, just like Abe Lincoln. But don’t let’s dwell on that.

And I Quote: “You know what? I have so ~ I try to be charitable and there are some really good Republicans, but I just don’t understand how anyone would want to be a Republican. I just can’t figure it. I don’t understand. If you’re poor, if you’re any kind of minority ~ gay, black, Latino, anything. If you’re not a rich ~ I don’t know. If you’re not a rich born again Christian, I don’t get it.” ~ Cher

You’re right, Cher, you don’t get it.

And ol’ Joltin’ Joe Biden. The other day he said, “If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30 percent chance we’ll get it wrong.” Even though you’re being generous with those odds, Joe, I think what you meant to say was, if y’all do it right according to the skewed, partisan, somewhat mentally unhinged parameters by which you define “right,” you might still get it wrong. Cause, Joe … if you really did it right, it wouldn’t be wrong, would it?

Speaking of Joe, he also said the U.S. is gonna have to fork over “a new aid package” to Pakistan to help fight the Taliban, even though Pakistan has already said they’re not gonna rat the Taliban out no matter what. I think what Joe really means by “aid package” is “bribery.” He’s hoping that for the right price Pakistan will roll on the Taliban. If that’s the case, why fight wars? Why not just buy our enemies off? And Joe called Sarah Palin a kook. Joe, boopie, listen to me … you’re a kook.

Yeah, Sarah Palin. Strong, independent woman who pays her taxes, built a successful business, became mayor of her hometown, beat an incumbent to become governor of Alaska and was selected to be her party’s candidate for vice president of the United States. Yeah, she’s a real kook. I bet you a dollar if she had aborted that boy with the Downs Syndrome, Joe and them would freakin love her.

As far as that trillion dollar “stimulus” package goes, President Nancy Pelosi said this week that until it is passed, 500 million Americans will lose their jobs every month. Now you know that’s serious because there’s only 300 million Americans in the country. I don’t know about you, but I say pass that package cause according to President Pelosi, we’re already two million lost jobs in the hole. Pass it, I say. Pass it before another hour goes by.

And I Quote: “A problem that was created by building up of too much debt will not be solved with yet more debt.” ~ South Carolina Republican Governor Mark Sanford

Shut up, Mark Sanford. Good sense has no place in today’s world. So shut up your mouth before I get Cher on your case.

What? No, I didn’t misspeak when I called ol’ Nancy Pelosi president. She’s running this monkey farm now. She says “jump,” and Obama says, “how high?” What? No, of course she wasn’t elected president by the people, but this is a new age for America. We’re not all hung up on fair elections, integrity and government of, by and for the people. We’ve officially entered that golden age Sir Alex Fraser Tytler warned us about … that age where voters realize they can vote themselves largess from the public treasury. The age of entitlements. That’s something Democrats and Republicans can get behind.

Anyway, don’t be too concerned about Obama. Sure, he was elevated to such Olympian heights there ain’t nowhere to go but down. It don’t matter. He’s a figurehead anyway. He could be replaced by a life size cardboard cutout. Fast as we’re moving toward entitlements, stimulus packages and free speech killers like the “Fairness Doctrine,” it won’t matter whether the voters still like Obama in four years or not … there won’t be no other alternatives. Ave Obamus. Heil Obamler. Obama akbar.

But I’m making some of you uncomfortable. I done stopped preaching and started meddling. Sorry about that. Don’t worry, be happy. Cause it ain’t nothing but a thang. Look at it this way: You got the best seat in the house for the greatest show since the fall of the Roman Empire: the fall of the American Republic. Stick a fork in us, folks, cause we’re done. We’re riding that great star spangled whirlpool round and round the yankee doodle toilet bowl. This sure ain’t your gran’pappy’s America.