After serving only eight years of a life sentence for blowing up Pan Am flight 103 and killing 270 innocent men, women and children, the Lockerbie bomber was ordered released from prison this week by Britain’s prime minister. The bomber returned home to Libya where he was greeted by adoring crowds and hailed as a hero. That’s one small step for politics, Gordon Brown, one giant leap for terrorism.

I should say one more giant leap, cause 2009 has been a very good year for terrorists. Obama’s given em a big leg-up. Very first speech he made as U.S. President was on Arab TV. In one appearance, he denied the U.S. was a Christian nation, in another he described the U.S. as a Muslim nation. He wouldn’t bow to the Queen of England but he practically fell on his face before the king of Saudi Arabia ~ the country that brought us September 11. U.S. forces have been losing ground in Afghanistan all year, and now a terrorist mass?murderer is released from prison and hailed as a hero. So yes, it’s been a very good year … (cue music …)

When I was twenty?one
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for IEDs
That wiped out the town square.
Blood, guts, teeth and hair.
The crowd came undone.
When I was twenty?one …

Man, call it the battle of the cleavage, but the necklines of German Chancellor Angela Merkel and her political opponent, Vera Lengsfeld, have been dropping like eggs from a tall chicken. Normally I don’t mind that kind of thing, but my Lord, these old girls are a little off their prime, both of em into their 50s. Don’t get me wrong, they’d be fetching as all get out, you know, back at The Home. But ladies, please, a little decorum. I didn’t know if that was the Hindenburg deflating again or what.

Say, is that a kielbasa in your lederhosen or are you just glad to see me?

And it ain’t just the women, neither … that ol’ KGB slug Vladimir Putin had a photo op of him riding around the Motherland somewhere on horseback with his shirt off. Okay, the man ain’t got much body fat, I’ll give him that, but there is such a thing as old man skin. Let’s not underestimate the importance of clothing to a senior citizen’s appearance.

You know, instead of our government forcing us taxpayers to hand over our hard?earned dollars to support welfare people we don’t even know, why don’t they force the families of the welfare people to support them instead? Which, in turn, begs the question: Why can’t we require anyone receiving public assistance to take random drug tests? Or does that infringe on a crackhead’s right to smoke rat poison? They want to tax people for being too fat, but pay people who use drugs? Now don’t get upset with me, these questions are purely rhetorical and hold no credibility in today’s entitlement society. You may consider them or ignore them with impunity. No harm, no foul.

And I Quote: “Sometimes I think they want Obama to get shot. I do. I really think that there are conservative broadcasters in this country who would love to see Obama taken out.” ~ Liberal talk radio host Ed Schultz

And they say Rush is inflammatory. Hey, nobody in their right mind wants to see Obama out of the picture. That would move Biden into the Oval Office and Nancy Pelosi into, well, into the Oval Office. God forbid anything happens to Obama. God forbid, I say.

Course, that don’t mean I wouldn’t like to see a little less Barack on the TV. I got two words for him: over exposure. Lay off the freakin television appearances for a while, Barack. Just speaking for myself, I’m so sick of seeing your face every time I turn on the TV, I’m seriously considering having my eyes removed. Which is pretty drastic, I’ll admit, but if that happens it’ll be on you.

Speaking of TV, the networks are crying because all their new shows are failing. Network television is kinda desperate for an audience. I feel bad for them but there’s a reason that’s happening. Network guys, listen to me ~ your shows suck. They suck. They suck like a sump pump. They stink. They’re stupid, inane and riddled every three minutes with five minutes of commercials. Okay? Okay. To summarize: Your shows are so bad I want to come over there and slap your granny. I hope you take this criticism with the same spirit in which it is given.

In that vein, after undergoing fertility treatments, a woman in England finally became pregnant … with 12 babies. Or fetuses. Or foetuses, if you’re British. Kinda stole Octomom’s thunder there, I think. All Ocomom managed to squeeze out were a paltry eight babies. This new gal, this British gal, she’s gonna pop out six girls and six boys, bang bang bang just like clockwork. These aren’t designer babies anymore … these are designer reality TV show contracts.

You know, I have always relied on Canada for my catastrophic health care needs. My heart stops working or my kidney fails, Canada’s there for me. Cancer, AIDS, swine flu, no prob. The only downside to Canadian healthcare is the long line of Americans waiting to get in. Of course, that is offset by the fact that pretty girls serve you complimentary drinks at the border and give you back rubs while you wait, so I don’t mind.

I’m gonna give Congress credit, though. They aren’t following their traditional tax?and?spend modus operandi anymore … they’ve switched over to a spend?then?tax approach. That’s change you can … what, believe in?

By Kenneth Balog

My wife of 57 years and 7 days went home the other day.

She wanted to do that, and in her calm way of doing things, she convinced me that I ought to be as rationale and calm about the event as was she.

Some people might find that difficult to believe, especially since “going home,” to her, meant dying. Yes, she actually made up her mind that it was time to go, so made peace with God and everyone she could think of, and went.

I couldn’t blame her, considering the series of illnesses she has had in the past two years. I am going to remember that woman until the day I die and I hope that I will come to the final moment with the grace and dignity she displayed. Just as she did during her long life, her final thoughts were for our children, relatives and friends. She did not want them to be disturbed by her illness and didn’t want me to notify them of her condition. She wanted everyone to remember her as she had been, not as she was during the final weeks.

Bitsy in 64

She did make a few requests in her final days. One was that she wanted her ashes carried back to the Texas Hill Country — by me — to be scattered over the acres of the Smith Family ranches. Then, I was to hurry back to Cleveland, Tennessee where I was to make arrangements for nice people to take care of our pet cats and poodle before I also died.

The part about me dying came as a surprise, and at the time my wife mentioned it, she expected me to do it within a couple days of her passing. I tried to explain that there was no way I could carry her remains to Texas, visit the ranches and then get back to Cleveland in two days. She didn’t want to argue about the scheduling, just told me to ‘get it done’.

So, I reckon I am going to be chartering an aircraft to rush me to Texas and back. Near as I have it figured, I am going to die in the air on the way back to Cleveland — I just hope it won’t be anywhere near New Orleans or Atlanta.

Whatever the schedule, I am looking forward to being with her again. After 57 years and 7 days, I kind of got used to her and already miss her something terrible.

… He was walking along the road, and I asked him, “Tell me, where are you going?” And this he told me …

Woodstock, 40 years ago this week. Three days of peace and music … and there I was ~ an actual Aquarian in the age of Aquarius. Yeah, Woodstock. That was when I lived in Asbury Park, New Jersey, just off the boardwalk. I was playing in a band called Seaweed there on the Jersey coast. I was Skipper Seaweed. The guitar player was a guy named David Cruise and we were on a double date thang when we got to talking about the big concert that was about to happen upstate. We decided on a whim to go. We took the girls home and hooked up with our keyboard guy, Frank Viola, a pisano who played a Hammond B-3 with the Leslie cabinet, had that mad, whirling horn inside.

So we drove north for several hours, along with about 300,000 other hippie freaks who had the same idea, until the traffic got so clogged the interstate had to shut down. Cops said either turn around or park it cause nobody else could get through. Me and Cruise and Viola left the interstate and started sniffing around the back roads. It was probably three, four in the morning when we saw a farm house with the downstairs lights on, so we pulled in and asked if they could give us directions to the concert site.

The farm couple were very nice country folk, salt-of-the-earth. He was a mailman, I think, or a milkman, and that’s why they were up so early, he was getting ready for work. They told us how to follow a back road that would take us where we wanted to go, so we went on farther, a lot of other hippies on the little road with us. Eventually, that road, too, became clogged with vehicles and traffic had to stop. But we were just a couple miles from the site by then, so we locked the car and joined in walking with all the other freaks.

It wasn’t long before we got to the concert site. All the fences were trampled by then so we just walked on in. We had come up from behind the stage, so we went around to the front and got a great spot right there about 30 feet from the action. Seriously, me and Cruise were clearly visible in a photograph of the crowd that ran on the front page of the New York Times rotogravure that Sunday.

And yeah, it rained on us. Refreshing summer rain, kind of nice … if you weren’t surrounded by several hundred thousand wet, stinky freaks reveling in cow pasture mud. It was like steam was coming off their backs, some of em. Or that could have been the acid. But all I’m saying is, break it down for a moment … it was a cow pasture. Cows stink. Here’s what a cow does, pretty much 24-7:  they defecate and urinate. There’s your cow pasture ~ a big, open-air cow toilet.  So with the rain and the heat and the 600,000 churning feet … yeah, it stunk. Stunk with a foul, outrageous odor that I don’t believe man was meant to smell … a green, sticky, in-your-face odor that seemed to gain strength from its own rudeness. Or maybe I’m romanticizing it.

But the times they were a’changing and Woodstock was a happening and it wasn’t but forty years ago I was a hippie long-hair McGovern liberal who only wanted the planet to realize its potential and promise.  So happy anniversary, Woodstock. And yes, I am one of the only people I know who was actually there.

Kinda nice, writing a column where I’m not busting Obama’s chops for a change. Seems like every week that’s all I do anymore, bust Obama’s chops. But I’ll tell you now, busting his chops is not anywhere near as bad as what Jesse Jackson said he wanted to do to Obama, if y’all know what I’m saying. You remember Jesse was waiting to go on the air and his mic was hot? And I ain’t cracking on Jesse, neither. I’m just saying, busting chops is relatively benign compared to what Jesse said, and busting chops don’t require cutlery.

One more thing. This column is self-syndicated. I email it to a large number of subscribers each week. This week, I added flag@whitehouse.gov to my email list. Remember last week the White House said if we receive “an email or see something on the web … that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov”? Well, beginning now, I was going to start sending em “Out Of My Mind” every week, see what they think about it in DC. I had even formed mental pictures of the various, low-level ACORN grunts who would be the ones to actually read all the junk mail people sent in.

But I guess flag@whitehouse.gov was getting too much traffic and now Obama’s done pulled the plug on it already, before I could even send em one column. Now the emails to that address just bounce back. But you know what? I don’t care if my stuff does bounce back, I’m going to send it anyway, each and every week just like clockwork, and they’ll all be the better for it.

So tell Obama that little ping! he keeps hearing is the sound of my emails bouncing off his server. Just another way I’m busting his chops. Which, I think we’ve already agreed, is not nearly as bad as Jesse wanting to cut thangs off the man, that’s all I’m saying.

U.S. Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn., ) will hold a town hall meeting in Cleveland on Monday to speak with citizens and community leaders about health care reform and the economic challenges facing our state and country.

The event is open to the public.

The meeting will be held at 11 a.m. at Lee University at the Dixon Center, 1053 Church St.

During the Senate’s August recess, Sen. Corker is visiting 30 counties across the state to listen to his constituents’ concerns and provide an update on his work in Tennessee and Washington on their behalf.

Now as we all know, these town hall meetings across the nation have not been going so well for the elected officials that are holding them. The folks are tired of the same old line out of Washington and seem to have finally had enough to stand up and exercise their 1st Amendment Rights en masse.

Much of the conversation is surely to be about the Health Care “Reform” situation, but hopefully someone will have the brass to hold Corker up to the light for voting for tax increases through supporting some of this “Stimulus” garbage.

When asked why he voted 2Billion to the Clunker Car program he says better to send it to people buying cars (the money was coming from one of the bail outs) than to let some bureaucrat spend it. I say BULL, Unconstitutional.

Corker said that he voted against all of the economic stimulus packs….

He did vote for the first one, the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008. He said No, he was one of 12 that voted NO. You are wrong Senator!
(Or maybe just thought you wouldn’t be caught in a lie because the public is just too stupid to access your voting record)

U.S. Senate Roll Call Votes 110th Congress – 2nd Session
as compiled through Senate LIS by the Senate Bill Clerk under the direction of the Secretary of the Senate

Vote Summary
Question: On Passage of the Bill (H. R. 1424 As Amended )
Vote Number: 213 Vote Date: October 1, 2008, 09:22 PM
Required For Majority: 3/5 Vote Result: Bill Passed
Measure Number: H.R. 1424 (A bill to provide authority for the Federal Government to purchase and insure certain types of troubled assets for the purposes of providing stability to and preventing disruption in the economy and financial system and protecting taxpayers, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide incentives for energy production and conservation, to extend certain expiring provisions, to provide individual income tax relief, and for other purposes. )
Measure Title: A bill to provide authority for the Federal Government to purchase and insure certain types of troubled assets for the purposes of providing stability to and preventing disruption in the economy and financial system and protecting taxpayers, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide incentives for energy production and conservation, to extend certain expiring provisions, to provide individual income tax relief, and for other purposes.

Vote Counts:

YEAs – 74
NAYs – 25
Not Voting – 1

Alphabetical by Senator Name

• Akaka (D-HI), Yea
• Alexander (R-TN), Yea
• Allard (R-CO), Nay
• Barrasso (R-WY), Nay
• Baucus (D-MT), Yea
• Bayh (D-IN), Yea
• Bennett (R-UT), Yea
• Biden (D-DE), Yea
• Bingaman (D-NM), Yea
• Bond (R-MO), Yea
• Boxer (D-CA), Yea
• Brown (D-OH), Yea
• Brownback (R-KS), Nay
• Bunning (R-KY), Nay
• Burr (R-NC), Yea
• Byrd (D-WV), Yea
• Cantwell (D-WA), Nay
• Cardin (D-MD), Yea
• Carper (D-DE), Yea
• Casey (D-PA), Yea
• Chambliss (R-GA), Yea
• Clinton (D-NY), Yea
• Coburn (R-OK), Yea
• Cochran (R-MS), Nay
• Coleman (R-MN), Yea
• Collins (R-ME), Yea
• Conrad (D-ND), Yea
• Corker (R-TN), Yea
• Cornyn (R-TX), Yea
• Craig (R-ID), Yea
• Crapo (R-ID), Nay
• DeMint (R-SC), Nay
• Dodd (D-CT), Yea
• Dole (R-NC), Nay Domenici (R-NM), Yea
• Dorgan (D-ND), Nay
• Durbin (D-IL), Yea
• Ensign (R-NV), Yea
• Enzi (R-WY), Nay
• Feingold (D-WI), Nay
• Feinstein (D-CA), Yea
• Graham (R-SC), Yea
• Grassley (R-IA), Yea
• Gregg (R-NH), Yea
• Hagel (R-NE), Yea
• Harkin (D-IA), Yea
• Hatch (R-UT), Yea
• Hutchison (R-TX), Yea
• Inhofe (R-OK), Nay
• Inouye (D-HI), Yea
• Isakson (R-GA), Yea
• Johnson (D-SD), Nay
• Kennedy (D-MA), Not Voting
• Kerry (D-MA), Yea
• Klobuchar (D-MN), Yea
• Kohl (D-WI), Yea
• Kyl (R-AZ), Yea
• Landrieu (D-LA), Nay
• Lautenberg (D-NJ), Yea
• Leahy (D-VT), Yea
• Levin (D-MI), Yea
• Lieberman (ID-CT), Yea
• Lincoln (D-AR), Yea
• Lugar (R-IN), Yea
• Martinez (R-FL), Yea
• McCain (R-AZ), Yea
• McCaskill (D-MO), Yea
• McConnell (R-KY), Yea Menendez (D-NJ), Yea
• Mikulski (D-MD), Yea
• Murkowski (R-AK), Yea
• Murray (D-WA), Yea
• Nelson (D-FL), Nay
• Nelson (D-NE), Yea
• Obama (D-IL), Yea
• Pryor (D-AR), Yea
• Reed (D-RI), Yea
• Reid (D-NV), Yea
• Roberts (R-KS), Nay
• Rockefeller (D-WV), Yea
• Salazar (D-CO), Yea
• Sanders (I-VT), Nay
• Schumer (D-NY), Yea
• Sessions (R-AL), Nay
• Shelby (R-AL), Nay
• Smith (R-OR), Yea
• Snowe (R-ME), Yea
• Specter (R-PA), Yea
• Stabenow (D-MI), Nay
• Stevens (R-AK), Yea
• Sununu (R-NH), Yea
• Tester (D-MT), Nay
• Thune (R-SD), Yea
• Vitter (R-LA), Nay
• Voinovich (R-OH), Yea
• Warner (R-VA), Yea
• Webb (D-VA), Yea
• Whitehouse (D-RI), Yea
• Wicker (R-MS), Nay
• Wyden (D-OR), Nay

Source: US Senate Voting Records (www.senate.gov)

A guy in Martin County, Florida was arrested and charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after the cops found more than a thousand kiddie porn images on his computer. But the guy claims he’s innocent. He says his cat did it. I wouldn’t put it past a cat to do something like that, little shifty-eyed perverts. I sure wouldn’t trust a cat around my stuff. But in all fairness, I don’t think the cat was intentionally downloading kiddie porn. I think it was probably trying to download some kitty porn and just hit the wrong key. Cat’s are notoriously bad spellers. But now this innocent guy in Florida is taking the fall on a morals beef because of his cat. That’s why I have a dog.

A woman in Norwalk, Connecticut was honored in 2008 at a Connecticut Nursing Association banquet where she was named “Nurse of the Year.” Thing is, though, she’s not a nurse, just some woman works in a doctor’s office. Also, there’s no Connecticut Nursing Association. She made that up, too. Then she spent over $2,000 of her own money to stage the banquet, invite everyone and then give herself the award. Fake nurse? Fake nursing association? Fake award? Pulling the wool over everybody’s eyes so she’ll look like more than she is? You know, if it turns out that she cheats on her taxes, too, she’d be perfect as Obama’s new healthcare czar.

Mainstream media shill Linda Douglass left ABC News to become Obama’s communications director. As part of her new duties, she went on TV and urged patriotic Americans to rat out their neighbors, and anyone else, who says anything “fishy”about mighty Barack or his healthcare proposal. She said to email the fishy comments to them at: flag@whitehouse.gov. You know, Linda, I don’t know about fishy, but y’all sure are crappie. I don’t care how much newspaper you and the Kenyan wrap that fish in, it’s still gonna stink.

And I Quote: “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” ~ Howard Beale in Network

You know what, though? I think everyone should start spamming flag@whitehouse.gov. Seriously, forward them everything from your junk folder … viagra, enlarged members, clean Asian girls, cheap drugs, the singles’ lines, porno, on and on, ad nauseam. Maybe email em that photo that’s going around the Internet where Obama is done up to look like the Joker. He hates that. And, oh yeah, maybe this bumper sticker: “Somewhere in Kenya a village is missing their idiot.” Punch back, citizens. Twice as hard.

Speaking of that photo where Obama is done up to look like the Joker? Earl Ofari Hutchinson, president of the Los Angeles Urban Policy Roundtable, said that kind of thing “goes beyond political spoofery” and is “mean?spirited and dangerous.” But Ofari … I hate to throw George Bush up to you,  but where were you when they did the same thing to him? Bush was made up to look like the Joker, too. Back then you thought it was funny and appropriate. What changed?

The government has hailed their billion dollar Cash?For?Clunkers program ~ where they pay you to turn in your old clunker cars ~ as a smashing success. So successful, in fact, that they now plan to follow up with a Cash-For-Cluckers program, where they’ll pay you to turn in your old chickens. And let’s not forget the upcoming Cash-For-Codgers program, where they’ll not only pay you to turn in your old relatives, they’ll give you a free cosmetic surgery in the deal.

Cause I’m tellin ya, the Obama posse be jammin, y’all. They be gettin down. Chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is bragging that they done “rescued the economy.” Yeah. In much the same way that iceberg rescued the Titanic out there in the icy waters of the Atlantic. But ol’ Rahm Emanuel … he’s the one climbed up onto the table after the election and shouted to all the Obama supporters, “F— Republicans!” Now he’s chief of staff to the leader of the free world. The Obama posse are truly representatives of all the people. And by “all the people,” I mean only the ones who agree with them.

And I Quote: “What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them” ~ Barack Hussein Obama, January 20, 2009

That wasn’t the ground shifting, Barack  … that was you pulling the rug out from under everybody.

No, no, I kid. Seriously, I kid my president and Congress. You know, for over 200 years the federal government has consistently and actively demonstrated an astonishing knack for corruption and incompetence when implementing and administering entitlement programs. But I think Obama’s plan to make the government even larger and entitlement programs even more unwieldy really can work. But only as long as everything is controlled from a central location by a small group of angry Alinsky proteges. Godspeed, mein president. Ve luff you. Or else.

And while I have never actually had a beer with Barack Obama at the White House, when I was a boy, I did once spilt an RC Cola with a black kid named Barry on the front porch of a white clapboard house outside Washington, Alabama. So there.

Watched a show about UFOs this week. Lot of people swear by UFOs. They say beings from other planets have visited earth and even helped ancient civilizations build the pyramids, Stonehenge, those statues on Easter Island, some of the Mayan stuff. A lot of Christian people don’t really believe there are beings from other planets, but they do believe in UFOs. Some Christians believe UFOs are actually demons. You know, the Bible says Satan is the prince of the air and demons are his minions, and some Christians believe we are confusing demons with UFOs. Okay, but let me ask you this ~ what if UFOs are demons … but they’re demons from another planet? Yeah. Demons from outer space. Then what? Mull that one over for awhile, all ye seminary students. But quietly … quietly.

Speaking of outer space, astronaut Koichi Wakata, who spent 138 days in orbit on the space shuttle Endeavour, didn’t change his underwear for a solid month. He claimed to be road-testing some new-fangled drawers that are supposed to be anti-static, flame-resistant, odor-eating, bacteria-killing and water-absorbent. Koichi wore the same underwear for a month. Of course, when they touched down, he had to undergo surgery to remove the things, but doctors say he’s well and should make a full recovery. Except, of course, he’ll always be remembered as the guy who didn’t change his drawers for a month … a title there’s not a lot of people vying for. But, just between us, if Koichi had turned those drawers inside out, he could have gone two months. That’s what I do. I mean, that’s what a guy I know does.

You know what? If I was  Sgt. Crowley, I would have declined Obama’s stupidly beer at the White House and I would have told Skippy Gates to kiss my foot. That’s how I would have calibrated my words.

Obama’s backing up on his promise not to raise taxes on the middle class. You know, if his cabinet and most of Congress would just pay their own taxes in the first place, there wouldn’t be no need for an increase. In fact, they’d have enough money to give everybody healthcare. Oh, wait … they’re gonna do that anyway.

Dan Rather says all Americans should be concerned about “the diminution of the American press.” He wants Obama to form a White House commission to help save the media. First of all, only a girlie-man like Dan Rather would use the word “diminution.” A real man would have said “deteriorating,” or “declining,” or even “languishing.” Anyway, be that as it may, Rather’s just trying to get Obama to name him the American Press Czar. Obama’s got a czar for everything now and I think Rather just wants on-board because he botched his career so bad there at the end and he wants a legacy. Plus, if he’s the American Press Czar, he can go back and rewrite history so that his bogus story about Bush’s National Guard service that ruined his career would be true, and instead of being a disgrace, he’d be a hero. Then maybe he could realize his lifelong dream of having all the presidents’ faces removed from Mt. Rushmore and his face put up there instead.

Obama and Hillary are scoffing at Israel’s national security concerns and throwing their support behind Iran’s nuclear program. The White House says it really isn’t fair that Israel should have nuclear weapons while Iran does not have them. I guess Barack is just trying to level the killing field. Uh, I mean, the playing field.

Obama and Castro and Ortega and Chavez and Zelaya and Correa and Morales sitting in a tree … K-I-S-S-I-N-G … First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Obama with a baby (mis)carriage (of justice).

And, oh yeah, George Soros. Let’s not forget George Soros. Talk about something from another planet. How about somebody producing his birth certificate.

A headline at Breitbart.com this week read, “New HIV strain leapt to humans from gorillas.” In the story, the writer said French virologists have found “a new subtype of the AIDS virus that appears to have jumped the species barrier” from gorillas to humans. Is this some kind of new leaping virus, it jumps from species to species? What is it with the jumping and the leaping? How far can it jump? I mean, can it only jump like a couple inches and you have to be real close to the gorilla? Or is it some kind of mutant Hulk virus and can leap the distance of several counties? And what’s going on with all the animal viruses? The pig virus, the bird virus, got a horse virus, I think, and a cow virus. All animal viruses. Now we got a gorilla virus? I don’t know if it’s global warming or if  George Bush did it or if people’s just making this stuff up, but from now on, I ain’t going anywhere near no gorillas. Or monkeys or apes, neither. If you got a monkey for a pet, do not ~ I repeat, do not ~ be bringing that flea-bitten, virus-carrying, feces-slinging thing around me. I didn’t evolve just so I could go hang out with monkeys.

Leaping gorilla virus. Sh’yeah, right. How about “wild monkey love”?

Now I’m wondering what that thing with Fay Ray and Kong was really all about.

Lastly, 78-year-old Deloris Nissen in Carroll, Iowa has sold her two television sets because she said she’s just so sick of seeing Obama on TV all the time. She said, “My gosh, does he ever stay at the White House?” And when Deloris ~ who can’t even spell her name right ~ uses expletives like “gosh,” you know she’s upset. So how about it? Can we get Congress to declare at least one week a month as an “Obama Free Week,” where we don’t have to see him stammering and smirking and behaving stupidly on TV? Can we do that for Deloris Nissen? Can we show some concern for what the old people are having to go through? Or should they just, you know, take a pill? They’ll be dead soon anyway, why should the rest of us do without our Barack Kool-Aid just so a handful of old people can watch Jeopardy for the eight-millionth time or Wheel of Fortune? Yeah, on second thought, never mind … let em take a pill.