Troops:

Uh oh:? ?I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength and bid defiance to the laws of our country. – Thomas Jefferson

Did you notice a recent Supreme Court decision?? ?Actually, this points to the tragedy of the Tea Partiers. They have misdiagnosed the problem and misdirected their rage.  They think gubmint is the problem [the gospel of Saint Reagan]. ? ?The real problem is that “our” government is, at least by now, almost entirely owned by the corporations, via legal bribery: campaign financing, a problem made worse by the recent, hideous Supreme Court decision.? ?The Congress is to blame too, of course, by being willing to be bought off, right in front of God and everybody.  Totally shameless.  [And there ARE a few decent public servants in amongst them.] ??But the motive for the crimes being committed by government, against us, we the people, comes from Big Business. In the form of BIG MUNNAY.  ? ?In case you hadn’t noticed.

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Gubmint is the Problem

This morning I was awakened by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy.  I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility.  After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.  I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the US Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.  On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA-approved car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the Internet, which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, and post messages on Free Republic and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.

- Anon

[And don't even get me started on the Socialist asses in the Fire Department!  I hate them gubmint jerks!  Until I need them.]

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One fights not only in the hope of winning. – Cyrano de Bergerac, by Edmond Rostand

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A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. – Albert Einstein

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Satan Has His Say

Dear Pat Robinson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out.  And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.  But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating.  I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.  The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife.  But when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth – glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle.  Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing.  And that was before the earthquake.  Haven’t you seen “Crossroads?” Or, “Damn Yankees?”

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox – that kind of thing.  An 80 percent poverty rate is SO not my style.  Nothing against it – I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings – just, come on, you’re making me look bad and not the good kind of bad.  Keep blaming God.  That’s working.  But leave me out of it, please.  Or we may need to renegotiate our contract.

Best,
Satan.

- From an editorial in The Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

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Can’t You Read?

A groundskeeper in a zoo saw a blonde happily throwing twenty-dollar bills in to the monkeys.

“Excuse me,” asked the groundskeeper, “but why are you throwing those twenties at those monkeys?”

The blonde laughed and pointed to the sign in front of the monkey cage.
“Can’t you read?” she giggled.

The groundskeeper looked at the sign: “Please Do Not Throw Food To The Monkeys.  $20 Fine.”

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Y’all are welcome to throw twenties at me.

Ook ook,
gh

Dessert